The Sad Thing Is, I Didn't Make Any Of This Up

Lonely is when you want to spend time with people and can't.
But alone is when you want to spend time with people but are too afraid to do so.

Lonely is when you don't have any friends to sit with in class.
But alone is when you can't even try to edge past people you don't know to sit in the middle of the row without feeling terror tantamount in your heart.

Lonely is when you miss your family.
But alone is when the missing of them renders you incapable of sleep or hunger.

Lonely is when you spend hours just staring at your computer screen, hoping that your sister will comment on your Facebook status so that you'll have someone to talk to.
But alone is when you haven't even made a status.

Lonely is when you almost start crying when your boss tells you off for slacking.
But alone is when you don't feel any motivation to do better.

Lonely is when you are cold.
But alone is when you feel like you don't deserve a blanket.

Lonely is when you can cry about it.
But alone is when you can't.

Lonely is when you can look out the window and see the snow and think, "Great, now I have to get the umbrella."
But alone is when you open the door, see the snow, close it, and go back to bed.

Lonely is when you want people to like you.
But alone is when you're afraid that they don't.

Lonely is when you try to write a stupid blog post to talk about how you feel.
But alone is when none of it is really saying how you feel.

Lonely is when you're worried sick about something completely stupid.
But alone is when you can't even bring yourself to talk about it to the people that matter.

Lonely is listening to the bright and cheerful Spanish conversations of your flatmate and her friends and wishing that you could understand more than a word here and there.
But alone is when you wish they would just shut up and leave.

Lonely is when you're sad and want to feel better.
But alone is when you're sad and don't care about feeling better- just that it stops being sad.

Lonely is staring at the ceiling late at night and trying to sleep.
But alone is sleeping for an entire twenty-four hours and still being tired when you wake up.

Lonely is listening to someone talk and smiling and nodding even when you can't really identify.
But alone is when you zone out halfway through their story because you can't identify.

Lonely is wishing you had a boyfriend to cuddle with.
But alone is wishing you were dead so that nothing can hurt you.

Lonely is a solitary walk to church.
But alone is the walk back home.

Lonely is watching a chick flick by yourself and laughing and maybe even crying.
But alone is having no interest in anything.

Lonely is thinking, "Oh! Oh! Maybe this is it! Maybe I can finally react to something with the right emotion for once!"
But alone is realizing that you never will.

Lonely is looking at those "so relatable" posts on the Internet and chuckling slightly at their utter banality.
But alone is not clicking on the link because you don't relate to any of them.

Lonely is when the high point of your day is buying a burrito.
But alone is when you don't have the money to get one.

Lonely is getting over a cold and sniffling in public.
But alone is blowing your nose fifty times surrounded by attractive people.

Lonely is trying.
But alone is not.

Lonely is wishing you were married and pregnant.
But alone is wanting to stick a fork through your face every time you see a couple holding hands.

Lonely is living from paycheck to paycheck.
But alone is just existing.

Lonely is your brother writing emails from Arizona one day every week.
But alone is the six days he doesn't.

Lonely is eating a whole package of peanut butter cups in two days.
But alone is not wanting to and doing it anyway.

Lonely is anger at the things you can't control.
But alone is not doing anything about the things you can.

Lonely is wanting to cry so badly, because if you could just turn on the waterworks you could flood a city.
But alone is when you squeeze out a couple of tears but stay just as sad as you were before.

Lonely is attempting to be good.
But alone is struggling to remain human.