Okay. We're gonna talk about this, and I don't feel like using super-civil language, because I've been reading John Scalzi's blog posts (whatever.scalzi.com) and he makes some extremely intelligent points without bothering to be civil. Also, I am not going to be civil because I'm not in a mood to be civil, because the thing I'm going to talk about really ticks me off and I think other people should be mad about it, too, because it just perpetuates people who have the mindset of the Dark Ages.
Also, this discussion includes the word "bitch" and its connotations, so if you'd rather not read it then you should probably not bother with this post.
Slut-shaming means that you look down on people who are sexually promiscuous. You use terms like "slut" and "whore" and "bitch" to degrade women who live sexually active lifestyles whether or not they are married and heterosexual. These terms can also be used as insults for anybody, because the idea of being any of those things is offensive to most people.
I don't like this precedent. I don't like it at all. I don't like it for a lot of really important reasons, which I will list here:
1) People who use slut-shaming terms are doing so with the intention of being cruel. I don't pretend to understand the motives of other people, but people who are deliberately cruel to others (whether it's because it makes them feel good or because they want to bring others down to their level or because they somehow have deluded themselves into believing that it is for the other person's good) deserve to live forever on a desert island with no trees for shade, not even one, and on which the sand is made of Legos and the ocean surrounding said island is made of radioactive lemon juice, and on top of that they deserve to understand exactly how cruel they were being to the other person so that they can have guilt and pain for the rest of their lives.
Of course, I'm not SAYING that this is what should happen to people who slut-shame... but if I ran the world, it would be what would happen. (And as we all know, I should not run the world because the world is messed up enough without me at the helm.)
2.) Slut-shaming perpetuates the "four types of women" mentality. There's this thing on the interwebs which I don't know if many of you have seen, but it's this pretty blond woman who's talking about how she dresses for business and stuff and the effect it has on men and whatnot. And she says that there are four types of women to which men pay attention: madonnas, mothers, sluts, and bitches. A madonna being a virginal, girlish type; a mother being a wise, maternal type; a slut being a woman who will sleep with a man, and a bitch being a woman who asserts herself. And because this thing is like an ad or whatever the woman's talking about what parts she combines from each type of women to get men to take her seriously and stuff- but the point is, all of these types of women have to do with how men perceive them and their relationship to the men. The men want to marry the madonnas because they are sweet and unassuming; they all have mothers and will take wisdom from them; they want to have sex with the sluts, and the women classed as "bitches" won't have sex with the men, which is the point I'm trying to make here: only the "bitches" maintain any sort of independence from men, and they're given a derogatory name for it! Why can't we just call them "assertive women" or "strong women" or, if we have to use animal names, "lionesses"? I mean, lionesses are proud and strong and they do lots of work while the men laze around. That seems fairly accurate to me. (Just kidding.)
But no, if women don't agree with men about something, they get called "bitches," which means female dog- which implies of course, that dogs are inferior to men and that they crawl on their stomachs and have fleas and things. I don't like this four-types of women mentality. There are other types of women. What about little girls who want to be scientists when they grow up? What about girls who are studying to put themselves through college and only happen to be exotic dancers or custodians or McDonald's employees so that they can pay for it? What about girls who behave like adults from a young age? What about women who still act like bratty little girls? All of these women are different types of women- in fact, there are about three billion different types of women, because there are about three billion different women. You can't class all of them based on whether they'll have sex with somebody or not.
3.) What somebody does with their genitals is none of your business. You can have a lot of sex or you can have no sex at all ever or you can wait until you're married or you can start as a teenager. But it's nobody's business but your own, and anybody who says otherwise could possibly be a Texan congressman.
I'm going to clarify here: I'm gonna wait until I get married to do stuff, and I personally believe that the whole world would be a whole lot better off if we didn't have this "gotta-get-some-right-now" mentality and a complete and utter lack of self-discipline regarding sex. But the fact remains that other people do not believe that and probably never will. And you know what? Sex is only a small, small part of the human existence and of the personality of a person, and what a person chooses to do with their genitals is totally irrelevant to their worth as a person.
If you've been reading about Miley Cyrus and her, erm, interesting performance at the VMAs, then you probably think she was wrong to do that stuff on television. I think it was wrong to do that stuff on television, too. But the fact remains that no matter how messed up you think it is, she did it and it was her decision to make, not yours. And if you're mourning the little kid she used to be, then you should remember that all kids grow up eventually, and she wasn't going to be a cute little girl forever. If you expected that, then you've become part of the four-types-of-women mentality- having moved her categorization from madonna type to slut type.
I don't think what she did was a good idea. I would have been incredibly uncomfortable going out there and exposing myself and twerking on an old dude- but that is me, individually, as a person. I also think that she wasn't thinking about what she was doing- about the impact that it would have on the media, stuff like that. When you think about it, Miley Cyrus is, in fact, only twenty. She is eight months older than I am. She's not even a legal adult. She's still a kid, and she grew up on a TV screen- it probably screwed her up for life, the way it has many a child star. Look at Britney Spears, who is much more respected than she was ten years ago. Remember when she shaved her head? Yeah, me too. But nowadays she's a judge on competition shows and she's on Glee and stuff. Look at Lindsay Lohan: she's screwed up, too. Having a camera in your face for most of your life would tend to do that to one.
4.) I am a devout Christian, and while I don't think that having sex when you're not married is a good idea, I still don't believe that Jesus would have hung anybody out to dry for it. John Scalzi made an interesting point- he notes that there are Christians who are kind and good and who treat people the way Jesus Christ would, and there are Christians who are mean and hateful and who justify themselves by quoting the Bible. You ever notice that what those Christians quote is almost always from Leviticus and the Old Testament? You know, a time period where there is a notable lack of Jesus Christ? And did you notice that while the Old Testament says "an eye for an eye," the New Testament and Jesus himself said "do unto others as you would have them do unto you?" Ya know, the Golden Rule? A lot of Christians forget that (ahem, Westboro Baptist Church, ahem). John Scalzi calls them "Leviticans", because they draw a lot of their stuff from Leviticans. I kind of don't think that Jesus would have informed anybody that God hates fags or that gay people are all going to hell or that Miley Cyrus is a slut. I think he would have said, very gently, "I'm glad you read the Bible so often, and I'm glad that you believe in me at least a little bit- but I wish you could be kinder to others." Jesus said "Love thy neighbor." He didn't specify about only loving your neighbor if they weren't gay or black or Jewish or Miley Cyrus. He just said "Love thy neighbor."
Have you ever watched Easy A? Go watch Easy A. It's hilarious and funny and cute- and it makes a point of saying that you shouldn't slut-shame people whether or not they're promiscuous. It's also based on The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne, which I make no pretenses about never having read in my entire life. But I would have to say that the Puritans were much more uptight about sex than the world today ever will be- and in the end, Hawthorne's message had at least a little to do with God's forgiveness, despite any and all sins one may commit.
I know that not a lot of people have thought of themselves as consciously slut-shaming anybody- but if you think about it, many of us do it. I don't think it's right to treat anybody badly just because they've made different choices than you. Yeah, I think it's sad that Miley Cyrus was in her skivvies and grinding with an old dude on stage. But it was her choice, guys. I don't think we should be saying things to our daughters like "Make sure you don't turn out like that girl, she's a slut!" I think we should be saying things like, "Listen, kiddo, I'm going to educate you about life and I'm gonna show you what the consequences of your actions will be if you take certain paths- but at the end of the day, it's your own choice what you do, and no matter what, even if I don't agree with you, I will always love you and care about you." How would you feel if somebody called your daughter a slut? Imagine how Billy Ray Cyrus must be feeling right about now, and then I hope you feel really bad about calling people names.
