A Top Ten And A Testimony

It's days like these where I sit back and relax ad decide that yes, life is pretty good.

Why is it so good?

Here, a la some of my earlier posts, is a list.

Top Ten Reasons Why Life Is So Good Right Now:

10.) It's 11:20. I woke up 20 minutes ago. I don't have class until two.

9.) My life is relatively drama-free at the moment, and I'm able to take this and just relax in the fact that I don't constantly have to worry about what I say or do or look like. I mean, it's always this minor little buzz in my brain, but I know that I never look completely awful. Like, even on Tuesdays and Thursdays, when I work in the morning and wear T-shirts to school because I go straight to school from work, I know I look at the very least okay, because my acne cleaning stuff is kicking in and I'm making a strong effort to eat healthy food like pistachios and dried cherries and more variety in my diet besides quesadillas and my teeth are looking better for it, too.

8.) I had a Russian conversation lab with my attractive, unmarried, 26-year-old, grad student teacher and that meant I had fifteen minutes alone with him where we were talking in Russian and I didn't do to bad a job, if I say so myself, because I was able to communicate that I am way better at reading and writing Russian than I am at speaking it. I mean, I can say the words. Pronunciation is not a problem. It's just remembering which words go where.

7.) I feel better for my healthy food choices. I mean, I had to buy a soda out of the vending machine one day because I forgot my water bottle, which I should never forget, and I've bought candy a couple of times for the express purpose of staying awake in class, but I haven't been like, buying whole meals out of the vending machines like I did last semester. I know I should exercise, too, but give it time. I have to get used to everything I do first.

6.) My job is going GREAT. Like, I do have to ask the occasional question, but I know pretty much exactly how to do everything, and my supervisors have assured me that if the hot chocolate is gross it's not my fault, it's the machine's fault, so take that, rude older couple from last Saturday. And it's a routine that they tell me takes about two hours, but I can usually finish in an hour and a half, tops, including all of the dishes I have to wash when I'm done.

5.) I have been surviving on an extremely low bank account for about three weeks, but this week marks the end of the pay period, and my payday will be next Friday! Hooray! Money is great!

4.) I only have one class today, and it's Russian, and my attractive teacher is teaching today instead of the girl teacher, who is very nice, but not as nice as the boy, and Russian is only an hour long instead of an hour and fifteen minutes like most of my classes. Like, I kid you not. My schedule looks like this:

 And it is really kind of the best thing ever. So I just have to go to Russian and then I can come home again, and I have the whole evening to laze about and maybe do homework and probably watch Supernatural. Which brings me to my next point.

3.) It's a three-day weekend and I have NO SCHOOL ON MONDAY. YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. As such, Superwholockmarauder and I and a mutual friend who will be rooming with us over the summer (who I have yet to code name on this blog) have decided that we're pretty much gonna watch Supernatural all weekend. I mean, we're gonna do homework, too, of course. But it's a three-day weekend and we don't have boyfriends and we don't really want them and who wants to actually put on pants and leave the apartment? Not me. I mean, I'll be wearing pants, of course. But pajama pants, because I can.

2.) I've been working out some of my personal issues, with my drama, and I have come to several conclusions about myself. They are:

• I am not really truly ready for a boyfriend. No matter how much I want one. (Specifically one.) It might be nice to daydream every now and then, and I can indulge myself in that fantasy maybe when I'm listening to all of the silly love songs on my MP3 player or when I'm reading Mansfield Park or when I come across some hipster quote on the website that must not be named. But I'm not ready to date because when I thought about it- really truly thought about it- it sounded wonderful and beautiful and grand but it was also a little bit terrifying, not because of the boy in particular but because of me and my social anxiety issues and because I don't really understand how boys think, even though my mother's told me a lot about it.
• This doesn't necessarily mean that I won't DATE. I mean, a casual date here or there is not going to kill me. You know, if they ever happen. You know how I've said I've been on four dates in my life? I think I've been on five now, and the fifth one is kind of what convinced me that dating is not evil.
• I have decided that I am going to first finish college, then go on a mission, then return and pursue a graduate degree, specifically an MFA in Creative Writing. I mean, if I were to meet The One and God were to tell me it was okay, I could change my plans. But I am going to finish college, because I would like for my dad to have to finish wasting his money on me as soon as possible, and then I am going to just work for a little bit to save up enough money to go on said mission, and since I won't be in school at that point I'm also going to eat very healthy food and exercise and lose weight and get in shape (which I won't just be starting, I plan on doing those things a lot sooner than then, and I've already started on the healthy food nonsense) and then I will put in my papers, when and if I hopefully weigh only a hundred and seventy-five or even a hundred sixty pounds instead of two hundred-odd, and then I will go and serve the Lord for eighteen months and when I get back, I'll apply for that MFA program at BYU, but if I can't get it there, then I'll consider my options.
• Going on a mission is probably the best thing for me to do to be ready to start dating people. My mother has told me over and over again that going on a mission was the best thing she did for her marriage, and I must say I agree, because not only is my mother an awesome mother, but she has mission stories, and she learned how to talk to people casually, and she speaks German. I mean, how cool is that? That is way cool.

That was really long. Okay. And finally,

1.) I know that these decisions I've made about my life are the right thing for me to do. I mean, I wish I could just go on a mission RIGHT NOW, because now that I've made up my mind, I would really like to go. But I don't have money, and the stake president of my home stake says you should have half of your mission money saved up before you even put your papers in. So I should do that. And I know, because I've thought long and hard and prayed about it, and I know that this is the course my life needs to be taking right now. God knows me, and he loves me, and he is at least, for this small amount of time, trusting me to make the right decision, which I think I am doing.

And I've had confirmation on this, too. I went to my cousin's welcome-back-from-the-mission Sunday. They had two youth speakers and then my cousin talked for thirty minutes about his mission. The first youth speaker talked about physical health, from the Strength of Youth pamphlet, and my brain goes (probably nudged by the Spirit) "You should do that." And the second youth speaker talked about education, and my brain goes, "You should do that." And then my cousin talked about his mission, and then there was a much stronger, "You should definitely do that." I know how to pick my battles. I've argued with the Spirit over things before, and I know that fighting promptings is just a really, really bad idea. And I've been seeing all these girls get their mission calls and I wish I could go RIGHT NOW but as much as the Spirit wants me to, I think he understands about logistics and finance and how I don't actually have more than about twelve bucks to my name in my bank account so it's not possible at the moment.

My patriarchal blessing is something that's very private and personal, as is everybody's patriarchal blessing. It does give me some small measure of certainty, however, that I am doing the right thing with my life. The funny thing is, though, is that it says absolutely nothing about going on a mission. Not once is the word "mission" mentioned. But it does tell me that if I study my scriptures every day, I'll be prepared to teach the gospel to others. This is exciting and terrifying. The thought of being a Sunday School teacher terrifies me. The thought of being a missionary doesn't terrify me in the slightest. Isn't it strange?

My blessing also tells me- and I feel inspired to mention this- that I am meant to be good at helping people. That people would and will come to me for advice and inspiration, and that I should listen to them and use my influence to teach others the gospel and to serve them however I can. I sincerely hope that this is true, because the idea of helping someone when they're hurting or in trouble is such a wonderful thought to me. I love helping people. I love giving advice, even when I'm not good at it, and I love being kind. I've been told I'm too forgiving, but I think that being forgiving is something that makes me want to help people. I don't want to grow too hard-hearted, even if it's to protect myself. I just want to help people, because when other people are in pain it hurts me. I hate it when people I love are hurting and I can't do anything about it. It's like an actual, physical pain- a queer ache in the middle of my chest.

I love the Lord with all of my heart. I know that someday in the fairly near future, I'm going to be preparing to serve a mission in his name. I know that the gospel is true and that God loves me and that I am doing the right thing with my life. I bear you my testimony that the Savior lives and that he loves me, and you, and everyone in the whole world.

SHAKESPEARE'D

Hello, friends and readers. This is me, writing stuff.

So I have this Shakespeare class. English 382, if you go to BYU. This is the second of three classes where they tell me I have to write a super big important paper. The first one I wrote in English 295, in March and April of 2012. I remember that paper because it was ten pages. I did a freaking fantastic job on that paper. I mean, I don't even remember what grade I got. But I wrote that thing, and edited it, and did hours of research, and did a presentation in class, and I edited it some more, and took it to the writing center for help, and I edited some more, and had conferences with my teacher, and did two days worth of work on the MLA formatting, and then I edited some more and then I turned that thing in.

It was really fun. I hadn't expected writing an academic paper to be fun, because it was ten pages, not counting the works cited, and I had to make an annotated bibliography, and I had to do a ton of research when I would have far rather been at home watching Criminal Minds on my computer, or NCIS, or down in Superwholockmarauder and Smiley's apartment watching Doctor Who or Sherlock. (I don't really watch Criminal Minds anymore. I only watched it to stare at Matthew Gray Gubler's face, and frankly, there are people whose faces I would much rather stare at.)

But I digress. (I feel like I say that at least once every blog post.) I liked writing that paper. We were reading James Joyce's short story collection, entitled The Dubliners, and we had to write a ten-page paper on the very last story in the collection, entitled The Dead. Nice name, huh? It's not about zombies. It's about this dude who goes to a party with his wife and then after they get home he kind of wants to jump her bones but then she tells him about a boy she liked before they got married but then he died so she couldn't marry him.

Kind of depressing, huh? Well, my paper was about all of the symbolism and the references to Greek mythology that occurred throughout the story. James Joyce loved Greek mythology- he named one of his novels Ulysses, for heaven's sake. So it wasn't that hard for me to find the ideas I wanted to put into the paper. The story is littered with references. It's just putting them into super-academic terms that I have problems with. If you haven't noticed, the style of this blog, and of my writing in general, tends to be informal.
But I managed to pull it together.

But I'm gonna have to write one of those huge papers again this semester, for my Shakespeare class. I'm excited about it, because I got to know James Joyce, and I like his writing a lot, but I don't love him the way I love Jane Austen or Walt Whitman- or William Shakespeare.

"Really?" you might ask me dubiously. "Do you really love William Shakespeare? Because a lot of people say that." I really do love Shakespeare.

My favorite play is a hard thing to quantify, because I like a lot of the plays for different reasons. For sheer gut-rolling humor, it's really hard to beat The Taming of the Shrew. Kate and Petruchio's constant back-and-forth is just plain funny, and then you have Lucentio pretending to be Cambio and competing with Gremio and Hortensio for the hand of Bianca, and then it turns out (or doesn't really turn out, because you know at the beginning of the play) that the play is a play inside of a play. It's a "play" put on for Christopher Sly, who is this dude who just gets drunk a lot and some lord wants to play a practical joke on him by pretending that he's actually a lord and not a drunken commoner. It's just so FUNNY. When I'm depressed I like to read The Taming of the Shrew. I also like the movie starring Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton, and I also like Kiss Me Kate, which is The Taming of the Shrew turned musical. I just love it.

A lot of people are fond of Hamlet, but I just find the whole play a little morbid because Hamlet clearly had a thing for his mother, and Ophelia is not nearly as excellent a female character as you have in other plays such as Beatrice, of Much Ado About Nothing, or Portia, of The Merchant of Venice. I love the language of Hamlet though- the soliloquy speech, even though it's about suicide, which is a depressing topic, it's just written so well. Hamlet is my favorite just for the sheer linguistics of it, for the wordplay that results from Hamlet being bat-poop crazy, for the character of Polonius, who screws up his words and gets so confused, for the puns and the genitalia jokes, which we don't understand in this day and age because we don't understand that "nothing" used to mean vagina and so forth. (Forgive my frankness, but that is the proper name for female genitals and I will not euphemize it because I'm not afraid to talk about it.)

For the characters I love Much Ado About Nothing. On the one hand, you have a classical fairy tale, with Claudio and Hero and the way he left for the wars seeing her as a girl and came back and saw her as a woman. But more beautiful to me is Beatrice and Benedick, who used to be friends- maybe they were even more- but their quick tempers gave rise to a fight, and then they were so angry with each other, that they insulted each other every time they met. And then they fell in love all over again, partly because they were tricked into it but partly because they really did love each other still, after all that time, and they were just angry and raw and hurting. I just love Beatrice and I love how she's not afraid to stand up for herself and assert her ability and capability as much as the men do. I wish I could be Beatrice. I am generally more like Hero, though. Docile, accepting of fate, overset by anything that comes around to push me over.

And for the plot and the ideas you just can't beat The Tempest. A shipwreck, desert island survivors, the spawn of witches and demons, magic, spirits, government conspiracies, and the love story of an intellectual princess and a proud prince. It's just so beautiful. And Ariel is my favorite. I like him better than Puck. And you can quote me on that.

No matter what play it is, there's always some wisdom to be found in the works of the Bard. If you're reading this because I cross-post to Facebook, then you'll probably have noticed that I've been doing Facebook statuses with Shakespeare quotes. I've found them very fitting with my personal life and it comforts me to know that no matter what I'm going through, I can probably find a situation in any given play that echoes what's happening with me and my life. Equally good are the sonnets, which are awesome. Even if Shakespeare wrote most of them about a dude. Which is fine. (Some people are like HE WAS TOTALLY BISEXUAL AND HE WROTE THEM WITH HOMOEROTIC FEELINGS TOWARD THE YOUNG MAN and some people are like WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT WAS TOTALLY PLATONIC AND HE EVEN SAYS SO IN THAT ONE SONNET but really, either is fine. It's something I'll want to ask Mr. Shakespeare, if and when I eventually meet him.

And maybe only the Beauty and the Beast will get this reference, but Team Girl Squad. "SHAKESPEARE'D!" I would say that I have been thoroughly, and most wonderfully Shakespeare'd.

In Which I Attempt To Explain A New Obsession That I Already Had

Life is good, friends. Life is good.

I know I just posted, like yesterday, but I like to blog at night when I should be sleeping and stuff, so I'm going to do this, and then I swear I'm going to bed. Mom, this is for you. I promise I'll go to bed when I'm done.

So this thing I actually do all the time, especially when I'm reading a book, is fancasting. Fancasting, though it's not really a word (at least I don't think it is), could be defined as "the casting of a novel or movie with characters chosen by a fan who is so not qualified to do so." Like me, for instance. I should really not be allowed to fancast because 1) it's a huge waste of time and 2) it causes me to mourn the fact that I could never in real life actually be with any of the attractive men who I cast as my heroes.

I've done this before. Like, when I watched Seven Brides for Seven Brothers with my family once, we determined that in a modern adaptation of the film Gideon, the youngest brother, would totally be played by David Archuleta, because he's got a baby face and he can sing and probably dance at least a little bit. (Also we were going for a super Mormon adaptation and David Archuleta is, as you might have surmised, Mormon.)

And when I read a really good book that in no way will ever have a movie adaptation, such as Sorcery and Cecelia, which is the first book in a fantastic trilogy co-authored by Patricia Wrede and Caroline Stevermer, I often think, well, I need faces to go with these characters. Because I am in no way artsy, I can't draw my characters (at least, not well) so my brain automatically thinks of an appropriate face and as it happens, appropriate faces are often celebrities. For instance, the main characters of Sorcery and Cecelia are two girls, cousins, named Kate and Cecelia, or Cecy for short. Kate ends up with Thomas, the Duke of Schofield, and Cecy ends up with James Tarleton. So we have Kate, Thomas, Cecy, and James, and I have cast them so: Felicity Jones as Kate, Benedict Cumberbatch as Thomas, Romola Garai as Cecy, and James McAvoy as James. I have reasons for these choices, of course, but the thing is that you won't really get them unless you read the books and understand the characters and some of the styles in which these actors and actresses perform and what they would bring to the role.

Of course, it's all hypothetical, as Sorcery and Cecelia will probably never be made into a movie. Which is a dirty shame, because it's an excellent book, as are its sequels, The Grand Tour and The Mislaid Magician.

But I have been working on a much larger fancasting project, which I've been playing with on the photo editing program on my computer and on tumblr and stuff, because it's fun and because I have no inspiration to write fiction. In fact, the idea of writing right now, other than in the process of blogging or fancasting, is not ideal, because (sorry) due to my personal drama I have a lot of mixed up and painful emotions that just make me not even want to get out of bed in the morning, and sometimes talking to people makes me want to physically vomit, which is why I don't date and I don't do things that are social. I can't write about it, I can't put it into writing yet, because it's not okay and I'm still in the middle of my suffering process. (This probably means I should write it though. Powerful writing comes from emotional pain.)

But I digress. I've been fancasting Pride and Prejudice. If they were to do it properly and follow the book, with the notable exception of removing the character of Mariah Lucas. I don't like Mariah Lucas, I find her incredibly annoying and a pointless character, and I couldn't find a person I like to play her.

For your benefit, I'm going to show you the people I've cast as the Bennet family, and who I will forever see in these roles until I die of old age, regardless of the sheer awesome that is Keira Knightley.

Mr. Bennet: Mark Gatiss

Mrs. Bennet: Catherine Tate

   










Jane Bennet: Karen Gillan

Elizabeth Bennet: Jenna-Louise Coleman

Mary Bennet: Louise Brealey

Kitty Bennet: Bonnie Wright

Lydia Bennet: Georgie Henley

I just love all of these actresses and actor (I could call Mark Gatiss an actress, but I won't. He's a nice fella. Except when he's tormenting my feels with Sherlock.) I think they're all very talented and would make a fantastic Bennet family. Also, four of them are redheads, which is very cool. We could build a gingerBennet house.

I'm done for now, because I have to get up and work tomorrow. Hasta la vista. Have some jam on your bread tomorrow.

Wherein I Make Apologies For A General Lack Of Updates

So I haven't done this in a while.

This is for several reasons:

1.) I like another blogging website a lot better than this one. The style of this one is very formal, and while it's lovely for life updates, it's not nice for like, fangirling about things. Which is something I do on a regular basis.

2.) I've had a lot of personal drama play out over the last several months, most of which I just don't even want to think about, let alone share on the internets. Also, I'm fairly sure that those involved in said drama will at some point read this and at that point I would prefer not to out them as being like, the cause of all my drama. I mean, some people will read this and know what I'm talking about because I told them, not because they're involved, and some people will read this and know what it is because they're involved directly, and one person will read this and feel guilty again, which they shouldn't, because I forgave that person already.

3.) I was getting very busy with classes, but there were also other things in the way, like my job and having to actually go to bed on time, and then NaNoWriMo was in November and I did that, it was fun, and December was finals and I went home, and look at that, it's January.

Speaking of which, it's 2013, which means I probably should have made a resolution or something. I totes didn't. But I have decided I'm gonna write on this thing more. Not about my personal drama problems, but about life philosophies I have, or about funny things that happened in class. Like how I walked into Russian 102 yesterday and met my Russian professor, who is a twenty-six-year-old grad student with no ring on his finger. In the Provo world, that means he's available until otherwise informed. He's also pretty cute. And I am pretty creepy.

A lot of people make New Year's resolutions. I don't, because 1.) I know I'm not going to keep them and 2.) if I want to change my life, it should be because I want to, not because I feel obligated to do it because everyone else is. That being said, New Years resolutions are great. I've watched a lot of great videos on them, by people like British YouTuber Dan Howell, or as he's known on YouTube, "danisnotonfire." (Look him up. He's funny and attractive and British.)

I wish I had the gumption to stick with things. I have this problem a lot. I like to start things. I have the hardest time sticking with them until the end. Like college, for instance. I'm two days into the semester and I already want to go home. And not because of my personal drama, which sometimes does make me want to go home, but because I miss my family, all of whom are amazing and supportive and awesome when I'm having personal drama. I hate being poor, also. I have fifty bucks to my name, probably less, and my parents are at the moment mostly supporting me. I'm not going to be paid for another three weeks. (P.S. I got a better job that doesn't involve waking up at four a.m. so my body is happier with me now.) I just kind of want to cuddle with someone. And read books and fanfiction on the internet and fancast Jane Austen novels and Shakespeare plays to my heart's content. Fancasting is SO FUN.

That's all for now, as it's one-thirty in the morning and sleep is nice, it's a good thing, I should do it. So, if you prod me (here or on Facebook), then I will remember to make posts every now and then. It won't be weekly, like over the summer, but it will be occasional, and not with four-month hiatuses, like Doctor Who or Supernatural or Sherlock. *shakes fist at Eric Kripke, Mark Gatiss, and Steven Moffat*

Good night to all, and to all a good night.