Do Stuff You Like

I can't sleep. So you know what? I'm gonna write a blog post.

Okay. This is what I want to talk about. Guilty pleasures. Everybody's got one. Mine is Zelda. Phantom Hourglass, to be specific, because Spirit Tracks is intimidating and I don't have other gaming consoles, just me and my Nintendo DS. I am twenty years old and I still play with handheld video games. And you know what? I love it. I love it so much. I would by no means call myself a gamer. Nor would I say that I am an expert on the Zeldaverse, though seriously I love it so much. But I have this thing that I like and I do it and I am so satisfied when I do it, even though it's a colossal waste of time and brainpower.

I also really enjoy making things. Like, I will make you a bracelet, if you ask me to and if you live immediately within the vicinity of where I live. And today I bought a package of legit modeling clay and made a fake gun and baked it and covered it in duct tape and now I have a fake gun for all of my costuming needs ever. (And by costuming needs, I mean Supernatural cosplay needs because really though.)

And speaking of which, tonight I went to a murder mystery party as a character from Supernatural. (I was Sam Winchester, if you watch the show.) And I had the costume and my fake gun and the friend who played my character's brother was great and I made lots of friends and I just loved all of the people who were there because they wore costumes and they were enthusiastic and they loved what they were doing.

If you had asked me about fandoms and cosplays in high school, I would have like kind of maybe sneered at you a little, because admittedly I used to be a terrible little snot. (I probably still am.) But then in college- and this is what I love about college, because it's so freeing and great- I learned that fandoms are actually full of a mixture of some of the worst people and the best people you will ever meet. The best people, of course, are obviously the best. And the worst people make you appreciate both the best people and the people who are not fandom members so much more, because you think, "Oh, I am so glad that these people are not those people." And if you have no idea what I am talking about, I am sorry, because it is two in the morning and I am scribbling because my brain is on fire.

But I have learned that being true to my passions and the things I like doing is really important. When I was in high school, I had this huge secret of a thing where I loved to read books but there were a few of them that I was embarrassed to have been seen reading or to have enjoyed. One such book was certainly The Devil Wears Prada. Another was the Princess Diaries books. I loved them to bits, but I would always hold the covers against my legs or my desk so people wouldn't know what I was reading. And it hurt, because I wanted to do what I was doing but I was afraid that people were going to laugh at me.

This is what I've figured out: nobody is going to laugh at you. Most won't even notice. A few might laugh, but screw them, they're dumb. And probably, if you aren't ashamed to love something, you may make a few friends.

I met Superwholockmarauder at a sleepover in the basement of our freshman dormitory. We were playing a get-to-know-you game where somebody tossed a ball and there were tiny little questions written on the ball and whatever landed facing up you had to answer that question for the group. My question, when it came up, was "What is your favorite T.V. show?" And I thought about it for a moment, and then I said, "Doctor Who," because it was really the only show I had watched regularly. And the girl sitting next to me turned and said to me, "You watch Doctor Who? Oh, we are going to be friends." And that was how I met Superwholockmarauder, and she is such an important part of my life now that I literally do not know if I would have survived college if I had not met her. I certainly would not have made it through my mental breakdown this year, and I would not have had a roommate this last year, and I would not have started watching Supernatural or Firefly or any of the other great stuff I've found because of her and because of the Internet, which we have both found it is easier to hang out on.

And because of her and others like her, I have made friends who liked the same things I like. And the freedom of knowing that nobody is going to laugh at me or make fun of me has freed me to be myself in a way that I never felt I could be in high school. In high school things felt different, like I had to hold myself in all the time or I would burst with some weird new thing that nobody would understand. In high school, it was always music, music, music, books, and more music, and more music. I was the quintessential band geek, without actually marching on the field. (I was a mallet percussionist.) But I couldn't talk to my high school friends about Doctor Who or about how much I loved Pride and Prejudice or about my frustrations with the characters in the stories I was writing, and somewhere inside that did hurt me. I was accepted, but at the cost of losing myself a little bit.

Some people who know me are amazed at the changes I have been through in the past few years. I am much less reserved than I used to be (although people still freak me out, not gonna lie). I laugh and joke and even make other people laugh. I talk about things. I ask questions. I participate. I do all of these things less than the average person, but I do them more than the average me used to. And that is because I have confidence, from knowing that I won't be laughed at for doing the things I love.

So I just want to say this: Go after the things you love. If you like to walk dogs, do it. If you like to make lemonade stands, do it. If you like to curl up in bed and cry over fictional characters like I do, then do it. Because when you do things like that, things you enjoy, then it's not a waste of time. It is time spent learning about yourself and who you are and the things you like and what make you happy. And that, more than anything else, is going to get you ready to go on a mission or get married. If you can't accept yourself or if you aren't happy with yourself, then you will have no idea how to accept or be happy with other people. Do the things you love, because if you don't, then you will risk losing the chance to be happy and to help others to learn how to be happy.