Sarah Talks Feminism

I usually do personal posts- so you can assume that this bothers me a lot, for me to be posting about it.

I never used to be a feminist, just so you know. I was content to believe that the world was a lovely place, and that women and men were treated equally. I've been educated since then, and I know that it's not the case. So bear with me: I don't usually make posts like this. Be gentle with me. Don't fight in the comments. If you must fight, please do so only if you spell words correctly and don't deliberately insult me or others.

The Oxford English Dictionary defines feminism as "belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes."

Let's look at that. Belief in the social, political, and economic equality of the sexes.

Firstly, social equality. That means that men and women are equal in relationships of any kind. Neither a man nor a woman is better than the other on the basis of their gender alone.

Hmmm. Makes sense, doesn't it?

Then you have political equality. That would mean that men and women are equal in matters of politics. So, basically, men and women would be represented equally in government (which they both are and aren't; more on that later), and men's and women's issues would be decided upon separately because they deserve equal respect and consideration (also more later), and men would not be making decisions about women with women getting no say in the matter.

Huh. Gets interesting here. Funnily enough, though, this doesn't happen. Most Congressmen are men. Admittedly, this is because the people who run are generally men, and because even when women do run, people generally vote for men. That's fine. Nothing wrong with that- unless you're voting for a man because he's not a woman. Then you're a misogynist and we're going to have a problem. So first of all, we don't have equal representation for men and women in the government.

Then, you have people making decisions about men and women's issues, who really shouldn't have any say in the matter. Now, I am a Mormon, and generally speaking, I believe in the sanctity of life before birth. But I also believe that a single woman's decision about getting an abortion or about using or purchasing birth control is between her and her doctor and God. There is nobody else involved in the decision. That begs the question: why are politicians allowed to make decisions about this? Why are the sexual and medical lives of women regulated by the government? This makes no sense to me.

Picture this: you and somebody you like go to the park on a picnic. The park is public property, you aren't breaking the law in any way, and you are enjoying your lemonade and ham sandwiches. Then an obnoxious bystander comes along and says, "What are you doing? Why are you drinking lemonade? That's wrong. You shouldn't drink lemonade. And why ham sandwiches? Why not turkey? Or roast beef? Or pastrami?" And then, not content with being unpleasant, they start throwing dirt at you, or they try to force you to eat stale crackers and anchovies instead of ham sandwiches. And then, when you get angry and start to protest this violation of your picnic, which was not hurting anybody in any way, especially not that bystander, they get angry and offended and act like it's all your fault.

That is what I think of the government being involved in issues like abortion and birth control. These things are sensitive topics, ones that people you know and love suddenly act like they're sitting on pinecones about.

And lastly- to return to the OED- you have economic equality. Now, I have no actual proof that women are paid 70% of what men are paid in the same jobs- but the fact that there's even a rumor of this worries me, because at some point in time and in some places, it's probably true, or it has been true in the past. And that isn't fair.

Why does this bother me so much? I mean, I'm a good little Mormon girl. I have no plans on ever getting an abortion or on using birth control.

It bothers me because even if I'm happy and comfortable with my life, there are people who are not. And I'm not naive enough to believe that everybody can be happy all the time, but I'd be okay with optimum happiness all around.

I have a ton of issues I can talk about. This might well end up being a super long blog post.

Let's start with a term I've recently taken issues with: "femi-Nazi."

Okay, first of all, I am willing to admit that there are feminists who are militant to the point of being crazy. There are, and always have been, crazy people. I am not willing to continue to let people believe that all feminists are "femi-Nazis." Because while that term might provoke a laugh from your white male privileged friends, it's inappropriate. In no way is any feminist comparable to the people who gassed six million Jews and other minorities in torture camps. It's both disrespectful to feminists and to those who died at the hands of actual Nazis.

Is that okay? Good. Don't ever call any feminist a "femi-Nazi" ever again. If I ever hear you using the term, I will tell you off. And if you are younger than forty and male, I will probably slap you.

That brings me to my second point. Feminists gained the reputation of being super left-wing liberal in the seventies and eighties. This is because, generally speaking, conservatives had the attitude toward feminism that corresponds with their name: they were conservative. There is nothing wrong with thinking whatever you want. It's insisting that every person you know has to follow your same line of thinking. The liberals, on the other hand, have been welcoming to feminism and women in general. In fact, women are more likely to vote for liberals than conservatives. Why is this? It's because left-wing politics are more open to discussing women's issues, such as abortion and birth control. The fact is, people like Barack Obama, Bill and Hillary Clinton, and other prominent liberals know that by being open and welcoming to women and other minorities, they will get a huge payoff in the long run, in increased votes and the support of voices and money for campaigning with.

So if you ever wonder why feminists are usually liberal, that's why. Conservatives, you kinda missed the boat on that one, as a whole. And I'm not saying that conservatives can't be feminists. It just usually doesn't happen, that's all.

My next issue: the dictatorship of the patriarchy.

"Dictatorship?" you say, confused. "But this is 'Murrica. We don't have dictators!"

No, we don't have dictators. Not actual, real dictators. But we do have the undeniable fact that it's white older males who tend to make a lot of the decisions about things that dictate women's lives.

Let's talk about clothes. I decide I want a new sweater, a big, baggy one that will keep me nice and cozy without breaking the Honor Code. I am a size 16, or an L, in misses' clothing sizes. Sometimes I'm an 18, or an XL; sometimes I'm a 14, or an M. It depends on the day. I walk into a popular store at the mall- let's say, American Eagle, or Hollister- I find a sweater I like, marked L or XL, and I go to the dressing room to try it on.

Surprise! It's not made for a bodacious, beautiful L like me. It's made for a starving midget, who thinks she has just enough boob to be called a large.

Do you know why this is a problem? Let me tell you. I like the sweater. The sweater is made by a factory with orders to sew it this way and with so much fabric (not enough for my fantastic figure though). The factory's orders come from the designers. The designers draw things they think are beautiful. The problem is where the fashion designers get the idea that being thinner than a starving child in Africa is beautiful.

Well, who thinks tall, thin models are beautiful?

You guessed it: older white males. Or, as I like to think of them, chauvinist pigs.

This is annoying because I am the approximate shape of a pear, and these clothes are pretty and attractive and fairly cheap and they are made for women who are as thin as twelve-year-old girls and who weigh less than a hundred pounds but who are also seven feet tall in stilettos. I am five feet and five and a quarter inches and I weigh approximately fourteen and a half stone. Most of that weight is in my hips and thighs. Some is in my stomach. Some is in my upper chest area. I do not have the body type for these clothes. And the average size of the American woman is a 12. That's a small in misses size clothing- not petite or juniors.

If I want to find clothes that are my size, I have to go to department stores. They are correspondingly more expensive.

This is unfair. I should be able to buy clothes in my size with no illusions as to what that size actually is, without chauvinist pigs deciding that my physical beauty is determined by a little number sewn on a tag on the inside of my jeans. Beauty shouldn't be measured in numbers. It should be measured in what makes a smile come onto your face, or what your hair looks like when the sun shines on it. It's not quantitative- it's qualitative. And I just really hate that this idea that big is not beautiful has been ingrained into us, breeded like animal testing into our minds until it's natural. Big is beautiful.

Healthy is the most beautiful, of course. If you are bigger and you know that you can lose weight, I of course encourage you to do that, not because you'll be thinner and prettier but because it will make you feel good about how you look and about what you're like as a person.

Next comment: rape culture.

This is touchy, what with the rapists in Ohio and things. Of course, that girl is a terrible, terrible person, and it's a shame she ruined those boys' lives the way they did.

DO YOU SEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS?

The folks on CNN are saying that it's a shame that the rapist's lives are ruined? What about the girl? She got raped, for heaven's sakes! No matter what your opinion is on this particular issue, whether she was drunk or not, it doesn't matter, because RAPE IS WRONG.

Tumblr has provided me with the occasional good argument against rape. I'm not going to link you to the post, because you might, Heaven forbid, find my tumblr account. But this is one I found compelling, and not, you know, laced with profanity.

You have a boy about three or four years old. He's pushing and shoving a girl of about the same age. You say, "Awwww, look, he likes her! Young love, it's so sweet."

The same boy and the same girl are now twelve. He shoves her. You say, "Well, boys will be boys."

The same boy and the same girl are now eighteen. He grabs her arm. You say, "Hey, that's not okay. That's assault."

Funny, how it's not assault until he's a legal adult. If you teach boys that violence toward others is okay, even cute, when they're little, they will keep on doing it when they're adults.

The problem with rape culture is that we are teaching women that in order to avoid getting raped, you should not walk alone on dark streets at night wearing short skirts. Personally, I think it would be common sense not to do that- but I've read about people who were wearing jeans and a t-shirt when they were raped.

The problem is that we are teaching women to avoid being raped, and we are not teaching men not to rape in the first place.

And you wonder why women don't feel safe to go to the grocery store by themselves at night.

Let me go back to the first thing, to conclude. Feminism. Feminism is about equal rights and opportunities in social, political, and economic issues for both sexes.

I'll ask you this: do you think men and women should be equal socially, politically, and economically?

Your answer should be yes, because that's common sense.

And if you say yes, you are a feminist. It's that simple.

Feminism is not about being better than men. It's not about one-upping them. It's not a power play. It's women trying to get what rightfully belongs to them. It's anybody who believes that gender should not be a factor in whether or not two people are equal. The genders are different, yes. Nobody denies that. But there is no superiority involved.

This is me, dismounting from my high horse using my soap box so I don't fall off the high horse. I'm going to bed now. Play nicely in the comments, if you please. And for heaven's sakes, don't say anything misogynistic. That's just asking for me to chew you out. Good night.